I am puke
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
