And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
