i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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