Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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