Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Randomize
