you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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