Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
