she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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