i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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