I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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