dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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