every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
