I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
