hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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