i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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