I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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