If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize