i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
