hotel room ftw
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
