and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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