Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Randomize
