You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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