U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
