I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
