woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
