dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
