who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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