Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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