My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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