It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
