I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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