i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
