thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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