My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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