Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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