what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
