it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
