Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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