Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
