the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Bring me that man meat
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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