all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
