My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
