yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
