Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
i now understand why vodka
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
