whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
