What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
