The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
