Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
