you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
