so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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