her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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