I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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