I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
