there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
