you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
