we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
