I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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