I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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