Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
