So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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