so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
