so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
where am i from again
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
